Tuesday, June 29, 2010

News from the Front Lines

Here are the latest headlines in the war on chaos.

Operation Laundry is proceeding as expected. It is currently in its second wave. There is confirmation that a  smaller target, operation unpack, was already completed earlier and has already yeilded returns totalling in the $.75-$1 range.

Operation Laundry is expected to last into the late afternoon and possibly into the next day, if needed. Officials say they are 'sticking with it to the end'.

Opreation Carpet Bomb was also considered as an option, but was summarily dismissed due to the very high collateral damage anticipated.

Operation Toilet Bowl Sweep, on the other hand, was carried out eariler this morning with complete success though it is anticipated the same maneuveres will need to be repeated in the future on and on-going basis.

"This is not a bad thing, or a sign of failure" high level officials are saying.

"This is more of a precautionary, or pre-emptive, if you will, move. But we feel such actions will decrease any future disruptions due to unsightliness 99-100%. Which in this situation, we consider a complete victory and absolutely worth the small effort. We are also training the natives so in the future they can take ownership."

Experts are also being consulted on  ways to mitigate the necessary frequncy of this response by educating the newer troops on the benefits  of good aim.

Re-building efforts are already underway, with clothing, food, and any medical assistance necessary being provided on demand. A speedier response will reach those who say please and don't whine.

So far, insurgents have been few and when dealt with swiflty and firmly, have so far shown a willingness to reform and co-operate. However we have gotten word troops on the ground are calling for more soap to combat inflammatory or disrespectful language.

So far, all those involved are calling the efforts a success and do not anticipate any setbacks.

"This in not a perfect situation. We can't rule out surprises or side effects of say, running out of coffee. Things may arise and mandate we take a different tactic. We're agile and can adapt to such things as having to make a coffee run occasionally. And we're very quick to get back on track and stay focused on our ultimate goal. Clean House."

Officials also tell us more is going on that at this point they are not able to disclose. Wanting to maintain good relationships with all those involved, they feel it may have undisireable repurcussions to have complete transparency.

"This is a highly sensitive situation and we feel that information on a need-to-know basis serves everyone best. And who is really going to miss the 3-limbs-missing doll or the trailer with one wheel? Seriously. This is in everyone's best interest."

1 comment:

Kayleen said...

Hil. Ar. Ious. This should really be published in a parenting magazine.