Fun going over the previous births. And helpful to me, as well. Maybe it's odd, but I feel excited about the next one. Not just because it means we'll get to meet our new baby, but to see what kind of challenges it will present and how I deal with them. Hopefully well. But almost like a marathon runner or whatever you like, you want to do it better than last time. And much like a long distance race, it is a mind game. I am feeling mentally prepared in that I have everything at my disposal that I might want or need. But then there is always the unexpected curve ball and you think, 'OK, next time I'll prepare for that too.' I can only talk about a next time because I am not currently in labor. I will re-read this post , post delivery and maybe add some thoughts.
Shane and I were discussing this morning over the Swedish pancakes he had made, how wonderful life is. And as the kids left the table to go on to their respective activities how full of life the house feels. One aspect of the first few weeks that is hard for me is adjusting to the loneliness of being on a schedule that only one other member of the house is on. And then it is only because that other member has very specific and urgent needs that must be addressed and will not be put off until morning or after your shower.
But I am realizing #5 will not be like #1-4. Most of them can meet their own needs, or help the others when they can't. Some can even meet mine and the baby's needs and I am feeling like it will not be the 4 to 1 ratio of needers to providers that our week days were before. They can all cook, clean, make coffee, go to bed on their own, and are eager to hold and help with the baby. Some nights they might even want to sit up and watch whatever I might find on Netflix because I'm too tired to read and Malachi can only sleep with me sitting up. And having to get up at 5am for work, I can't expect Shane to join me often. It is comforting to think I won't have to face it all alone. Which like I said is the hardest part for me, emotionally. The other part being sleep deprived, but again they can take care of the house while baby and I take a nap after a bad night.Plus they are all proficient baristas, chefs, house cleaners, baby sitters, and Scrabble players. It really will be a whole new world.
So I am looking forward to all of it. And to not wearing the maternity shirts that don't actually cover all my belly anyway and require a jacket or sweater if I go out in public. I only have one pair of pants, and they are not even maternity. And like the shirts, they require another top layer to give full coverage. I only have one dress for Sundays, which makes it easy for choosing what to wear, but with the colder weather settling in, I'd like some warmer options. Of course nursing has its own limited wardrobe, but cotton and stretchy is what I like best anyway so I don't mind.
If I don't go into labor in the next few hours we are planning on attending a retirement party for a friend downtown. I will change my stretchy pants and shirt for something more appropriate and festive.( Ok, my one dress) And I will take the carseat and diaper bag, just in case Malachi tries to beat the shortest labor record. But nothing seems ominous or looming and I fully expect we'll make it back home for a midnight snack and bedtime. I do think consciously that each meal could be my last and try to eat accordingly.
Ok. I wrote up to this point pre-baby, planning on finishing it the next morning. But the next morning felt ominous to me and I forgot about it.
We did, in fact, make it to the party. It was fun to get out for a bit and everything went well. Except the part where I directed Shane to the bathroom, only to have him come quickly back out when he realized it was for the opposite sex. He asked why the big "W" had not clued me in. Honestly, I forgot the name of the hotel (Hotel 1000) and thought it was the The W. So I hadn't thought twice about the large letter emblazoned on the door. Or once, apparently.
But after that it was smooth sailing and, as I thought, we came home, and had some more snacks, because you never know, and went to bed.