Tuesday, February 4, 2014
O Menopause, Where Art Thou?
So no more puking here. But the day of our re-scheduled social visit, Muffin and I came down with colds. Now 75% of the kids have colds and I am begging the new one to stay put for at least another week to give us time to get over it and get some good sleep. It is looking like her arrival is not imminent. I saw the midwife today and no changes. I scheduled appointments for the next three weeks, hoping at least one of them will turn into a one-week-check up. Actually, I've felt so all over the map this last week I'm not sure what I'm hoping for.
One day I was feeling anxious and underslept and downright paranoid of labor. I just did this. I have not recovered. There is no way I can do it again so soon. And then what am I going to do with a newborn? Besides absolutely nothing but eat and cry.
Then I had a hair appointment and did a little more newborn prep shopping (shot blocks and stretchy bras) and even though I only got 5 hrs of sleep that night, I felt like 'sure. I've done it before. It will be fine.
Today I did a big grocery shopping, somewhat loosely based on a weeks menu plan, so I felt really prepared and comfortable knowing the family would not starve and I actually know what I am making for dinner tonight. And tomorrow night.
Then I got home and cried feeling overwhelmed at all the NEEDS needing to be met and feeling inadequate at meeting them in a timely way. Apparently people need more than just a meal. Then I realized I had not eaten much so I'm having a steak sandwich while I type this and anticipating getting a latte in as well before Muffin wakes up from his nap. So pretty good. For the next minute or so.
But I am getting really worn out by the yo-yo hormones swirling madly around. I think I do ok with the post partum hormones. What? Doesn't everyone not wash their hair or bother putting on real clothes until the 6 month check-up? Or cry when they run out of coffee? Or when they spill their coffee? Or when they burn their lip on hot coffee because they didn't have time to check the temp first?
These third trimester ones have really been a doozy for me though. And on top of that feeling like I might only have 3 weeks to get all sorted out. For so many reasons I am really looking forward to the steady pace of menopause. Although they say that can be a tricky time for women with MS because of the drastic events happening during peri monopause. So I'm not entrirely looking forward to that. But really I am.
I got a little more nesting in this last week. I was putting Mufin down for a nap and he was having none of it. I blamed it on the crack of light filtering through the curtains on one side of the bedroom. So instead of pushing on, I put him down, laid out the big bolt of blackout fabric I used for Kateri's room last summer, and got to work. I knew sewing would not be a wise choice of action just then, the sewing machine still being a near-occasion of sin for me, so I measured the square of fabric and found a little spring rod the kids had bent but had been sitting in the back of my closet just waiting for such a day as to be useful. And some packing tape.
Kateri was assisting in keeping Malachi from taking my scissors, for which I paid her with some long strips of black out fabric. (I'm dying to see what she decides to do with them. I didn't see any of the neighbor kids sporting new accessories yet, but I'm sure whatever she chooses will be great). Then I asked her if she knew where the packing tape was.
"So that's how you make curtains?" she asked.
"That is how we do it today." I told her.
And shortly, I had a nicely darkened window. It looked so cozy. Then, as I sat there giving Malachi a bottle while he finally drifted off, I started to notice how bright the other window looked. It faces North, but still I'm pretty sure it could benefit from some light tempering. I told Shane about the new addition. He looked at me and said,
"I think you'd be happiest living in a cave."
He does not share my belief that dark=cozy and is always opening the curtains to let the world in. If I want to be out in the world, I'll go outside. In the house I want to feel like I'm in a cozy cocoon. At least that is how I feel right now. No bets about next week. Or month.