I cannot stand door-to-door sales. It drives me mad sometimes. And inspires me to be not as polite as I would normally be. Unfortunately, today, I practically invited the guy in. Accidentally.
If you are in the library reading e-mail, and it is dark outside, and the porch light is not turned on, you can hardly see out the windows. So when I was in the library doing said activity, waiting for Shane to get home, and saw a sihlouette coming up the steps I smiled and waved enthusiastically. Probably surprised to get such a greeting, he waved back and I jumped up to get the door. Definitely surprised, I opened the door and to my great disappointment found a little man offering carpet stain treatments. Before he even started I told him I was not interested.
"We are offering a free service for carpets. Do you have any stains you've been unable to remove?"
(What did he want me to list out loud all the things I have embedded in my rugs? Couldn't he see I have four kids? One not fully potty trained. What a gross man. )
"I'm sure I do but I'll take care of them. Thank you."
"Well we have a brand new sanding technique to remove all your unwanted stains"
(But they could leave the ones I wanted?)
"Thanks, but I've seen the sawdust technique on my parent's rug. And I'm not interested."
(My parents were vacuuming up the sawdust, that had so lovingly been ground into their rug, for years. And when they pulled it up, even more years later, the sawdust had to be removed before the new carpet could be layed. The last thing I wanted was the same experience with sand.)
"Oh, but this is different. This is a patented Kirby service."
At the word Kirby I thought I had him.
"Actually, I have a Kirby (this is true) so I can shampoo and all that myself. Thank you anyway."
Still not to be deterred, he continued,
"Oh great. So you are familiar with our products. Can I ask which Kirby you have?"
Not wanting to hear about the next generations millions of evolved attributes and thinking this had gone on far too long I answered,
"The one I want."
I'm contemplating making a new sign.