Monday, December 12, 2016

One Foot Through The Door

I figured it was time for and update and to record any events I will probably forget but might want to  keep a record of. On our evening walk last night, I remarked to Shane how surreal it feels now. We were done with the chemo. We are in Chicago. We are not on a waiting list hoping for a date to start treatment. We applied. We came. We got accepted. We got it done. We barfed. We ate  Bugles at 2am, ok just I did.  And the nurses predicted, we reached  the I'm  bored stage. Which is an ok place to be. Plus it's snowing outside like a snow globe so it's a very cozy way to be bored. Shane was so bored he had to go for a walk. In the snow.

This morning  greeted me with a red velvet cake with the number 0 on it. I feel about 39 years younger. Dr. Burt came in and said he was sorry we were spending my birthday here. I told him it is the best way to spend my birthday ever. (Though the birthday Shane took me to Bora Bora was pretty epic too.) then he looked at my scalp and called in some cream to help clear up the rash. Which is perfectly  normal and doesn't bother me, but I can't see it. I'm also wearing my cap less, just to avoid any extra irritation.

Next Shane brought me a slice of deep-dish pizza. Which I thought would be my lunch, but 30 min later I was ordering a turkey sandwich.  (It's ok, Precious. You've been through a lot this week. And the nurse told us about a different place which will make your crust with BUTTER in it! We like butter.So definitely putting that on our follow-up visits list.)

I realize these sentences/thoughts are all over the place. but as I feel my brain thawing it's  just all coming out. Add to that the emotions, the constant hunger, the incessant beeping sounds, and it's a real party. In my head. Grab a cube of butter and join me!

Poor Shane. Now that he has had some alone/reflective time, he's gathering things to share and realizing how much is not out there that should be there. I do ok in a pinch to bounce ideas off, but still a little slow on the uptake so there is still some restlessness. I told him he needs to start a modern day  Salon.  He's a bit of a revolutionary. for sure, and I think it'd be a perfect fit. No vapid, glossy magazines to distract from the real work of sharing real ideas with real people (not that there is anything wrong with some distraction from hard work when your brain just needs a break. I totally get that.) But that it is not Shane. Apparently the chemo did not fix my whole phone not sharing pictures problem. I did get one of Shane. staring up into the snow, contemplating the universe, as is his wont. Which  I think would have been a runner up for Rodin's final model selection. It's the one I would pick, but I'm a bit biased when it comes to m husband. Which I have every right to be. My brother is very gifted, maybe I'll commission him to sculpt it for me. It's freezing out, so Shane is wearing clothes so I don't think it would be awkward for anyone.

Hooray! Room service is open so I can order breakfast-snack-lunch-snack now! Someone had the brilliant idea of letting people schedule deliveries  at certain times. And the food just keeps coming. But they do allow the staff to re-group before 6am so sometimes I feel the gap if I didn't stock up well enough. I really don't know what I'm going to do without the kitchen staff when I get home. Haha! Just kidding. I've got six kids at home. Most of whom are safety certified in the kitchen. And they are all excellent cooks. I guess I will survive. (Ooh! We can have tasty snacks for Shane's soirees! What a good idea.)

Another good idea was Shane getting  Roku for keeping us entertained over the past however many days it has been? The nurse last night remarked our t.v.  was still working! Some patient's screens had been compromised by the snow. We never noticed anything and were completely insulated from any issues and never had to wonder what new menace The Flash would be up against next. Even though it had already been taken care of. Previously. It's feeling like they just grab something out a bag and use it again. There is no end to how many times someone needs to be defeated. Sorry, Ape. your number is up again. Shane just pointed the little black stick at the screen and we were off. Brilliant! I don't know how it works but it does and I'm grateful and think they should be standard issue for anyone  admitted  to these floors. The nurses are all Florence Nightingales, but they can't be expected to do entertainment too.

FYI, just wanted to let you know I fixed my computer with one weird trick Shane showed me. I turned it off and on! YOU don't need to send roses or anything. Just recording for posterity.

Nurse said some level of something is low and I might need platelets today. Bring it on. Here is my arm. It is so nice to be able to just trust them to watch for things and take care of it before it gets close to being an issue.

The tests confirmed the chemo did not confer any superpowers on my memory abilities. And the therapist says he won't be seeing me again. I thought we were friends. But if he wants to graduate me, that's ok too. Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, but I feel sad about leaving everyone. With the added scalp treatment twice a day, it is really starting to feel like a resort. But their goal is to get me back to the real world. Which is my goal too and I am so incredibly grateful for all the work it took from so many people to get me here. It really is overwhelming.

As is my appetite. I think Munchausen syndrome might be taking over now. Good thing I planned ahead and ordered lunch already.

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