Friday, September 9, 2016

Happy Holidays!

 A little early, you might be thinking, but I thought I'd get a jump on the holidays this year. Even years when I have started preparing early, it seems like it was never early enough and now I have a mound of baking, presents to wrap, and the kids will be banging on the door in two hours. And I have completely forgotten the option of just blaming  it all on Gilder. So mid-September seems a fine time to start. The leaves are changing. Most of as have unpacked our shoes. A few preppers have located their socks. Some of us have actually worn them. I even picked up a new jacket yesterday! Because winter is coming. And because it feels like a cozy bathrobe, but I can totally go out and get a coffee in it. Not that wearing an actual bathrobe on a coffee run is not acceptable. Plus, if you have a red one (bathrobe), you just look like you are getting into the holiday spirit. Or trying to look like the double tall latte you just ordered. (Oh my gosh! That's so cute. They are putting people dressed up as coffee in the stores. Now I want one.)  A person? A Latte? I won't tell you what to think. They can't deny coffee to a festive person like that. Please do make sure your bathrobe is an appropriate length before venturing forth. Let people have  the option of ordering  their  own sticky buns with their coffee.

I have a serious allergy to anything below 60 degrees. And I'm short. So I can wear my kids' bathrobe on a coffee run and still feel appropriately attired for a meeting with the pope. (Red totally works at the Vatican too!) On days closer to 40, I am ready to grab and go with my "sleeping bag with sleeves" as my brother-in-law calls it. I don't care what anyone calls it, or how it looks. It's long. It's red. And it's my security blanket 9 months of the year. The other three months are just too cold to open the front door. I seriously wore it just this last Fourth of July. Everyone just thought I was being really patriotic. How dedicated is that to wear a big red down blanket in the middle of summer. (She must really love our country!) Red really is a year-round color. I highly recommend it.

I also highly recommend Tom and Jerry cartoons. (What!? Where did that come from?) I discovered a way to parent, drink coffee, and write all at the same time. In the form of Tom and Jerry. I forgot how enjoyable they are. No snotty attitudes. No violence. No product placements. Just good music and good laughs. Seriously good music. So I have pleasant  background noise to boot. So if some of  these sentences come out in 3/4 timing (The waltz form Coppelia) you are not making it up. Hungarian Rhapsody. 1812 Overture.  From Beethoven to Berlioz, the kids can have an international music lesson, all the while entertained by the antics of a clever mouse pulling a fast one on poor Tom. As kids we always thought Jerry was kind of a sticky bun. But we also learned to appreciate and enjoy quality music. So I consider them educational. Add to that the impressiveness of the cartoons not being computer generated and you've got an entire art appreciation lesson done. Before noon. And you are still in your bathrobe. If you are feeling even more ambitious, you can also expose them to modern art. It's not my favorite, but a little Call of Duty now and then will keep them well rounded.

And it will give me time to order flowers, which takes an exorbitant amount of time to do. So many places. So many bouquets. So many add-ons and up-grades. And passwords? I'm ordering flowers. Not launching a nuclear  weapon. Please don't make this harder than it already is. And why are they calling the bouquets names like "Serenity" and "Peace" . Add to that a card that says "thinking of you" and what is the recipient to think you are thinking of them.

"I broke a leg. And now they are sending me "Fond Remembrances?!"

So you finally eenie meenie minie moe in on one. And then they suggest you make it a Deluxe. Or you thought even more fondly of them and go for an Extravagant. Which I think just means they don't use last years flowers.

Oh, you want fresh ones.?

Ok. That'll be another $14.

And you want them delivered to the door. $12.

In a real vase? Seriously? Fine. Add $10.

This week? Not next month? Express delivery, that's double.

You really don't seem like the kind of person who'd pay for same day, so we won't even mention that option.

And then .........The person you were remembering so fondly they might just get a restraining order put on you, posts a picture of your sweet memories on Facebook.

And you feel like an ass-hat.

But you refrain from calling the delivery company and accusing them of sending what looks like an arrangement  created when a drunk driver sideswiped a farmers market and pulled the greenery out of his grill plate and stuck it in an oil can. Which would actually  get you a larger arrangement and could probably become quite popular . Instead you take out your magnifying glass and confirm that that is indeed the happy little day bouquet you picked out. In the rustic cardboard vase. And hope everyone forgets about it by Christmas.

I got my HSCT dental clearance this week. Comes complete with a badge and sunglasses. Or it sounds like it should. Now all I have left is a battery of tests next month  for pulmonary and heart function etc.

In addition to fresh minty smile, I also got to promote Dr.Burt's work. The hygienist has a friend with MS. And knows someone else with Lupus. I was very happy to share the love and hope, and write down information for her to pass on. Tis the season. Don't be a Grinch. Pass it on.

Speaking of seasons, I think its time to move on from the cartoons. Grandpa is bringing a few cousins over to spend the day. Which makes us all feel like its Thanksgiving. And will most likely inspire some modern art classes.

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