Monday, May 25, 2015

Down The Rabbit Holes

Warning: If you do not or have not dealt extensively with small children or are currently soon to be  embarking on said dealings,  move on. This post is probably not for you. If you have a sensitive stomach this post is not for you. If you have no interest in reading somewhat useless ramblings about trials, sciency things, and other peoples' (ok, my) current obsessions, you know what to do. Anyone? Bueller? Now that we've whittled down to a brave few, or none, here we go.

The first rabbit hole is actually a heating vent.

Malachi is still toilet "training". By training I mean he does what and where he wants and everyone else dons hazmat gear and tries to keep it together while cleaning up. So far everyone is responding well to the training.  If by cleaning up I meant grabbing some paper towels and lysol spray it would not be so unusual and certainly not worthy of a blog mention. Sadly, that is not the case.

He pretty much gets the brain-body-'ta-da' connection of things. So he's not clueless. Just gross. He mostly does not use the toilet for any other purpose than making fascinating toilet paper swirlys.  He is content with a diaper, which is fine with me. Except when he decides to empty the contents of the diaper himself. Which to him means removing the diaper and shaking its contents down an open heat register.  Why a heat register? I have no freaking idea. Kids are just gross and grosser still, and I probably looked bored so he prepped a little activity for me while I got Fiona to sleep or was contemplating a coffee or a shower or anything else that I would rather be doing. Instead of playing  'let's go fish for feces'.  I am so tired of that game. Just to set the record straight, he does not get rewarded for his antics. I don't know what he does get out of it unless there is some sense of self mastery in it. Why can't self mastery manifest in ways that result in oh, you know, USING A TOILET! Or tying a shoe. Even writing ABC on a piece of furniture. Why this?

 His favorite vent has a steep slope and a sharp turn, making retrieval of stuff, difficult and painful. And there  is this  natural instinct that won't let you just go whole hog in grabbing a rolling poo ball. But gentle feeling around can often result in pushing things farther. And that is one phone call I do not want to make to the heating company. I don't know why this is still a problem after six kids. It never gets easier. Routine, yes. Easier, no.

    Once we discover and 'event' I assign someone to dispose of the diaper and someone to keep the babies from the site while I suit up. Usually the kids will offer moral support and help in the form of huddling around saying 'ooh gross!' as I put my arm up to my armpit into the hole. And then if Shane is having a hard day I'll text him and say at least he was not getting this out of a vent. (Anything to elicit a sympathy foot rub) Don't worry, I won't show you. That's disgusting and would get me kicked off the internet. The Elders have their standards. Hopefully the NSA likes the texts. Or not. Serves them right.

But there is an end in sight. Summer is coming and he can run Lord of the Flies in the back yard. And on the off chance he might need just a little extra encouraging on chillier days, we ordered him this. As of yet it has not encouraged him to make dramatic changes to his toileting routines. I'm considering maybe adding some cute big boy undies but I'm not sure I want the extra laundry just yet.

On to a different dig site.

I have a neurologist appointment this week and have been gearing up by compiling a list of 20,000 questions. For an update- a little more feeling has returned to my feet.  So that is cool. The stiffness comes and goes and my legs get heavier with every stair until I've got 25lb weights on my ankles at the end of the flight. I have not ventured back to the elliptical but exercise is definitely one topic I'll bring up.

In my in depth research I did come across this gem. I can't wait until they offer weekly massages for everyone. That would certainly improve anyone's quality of life, or just general mood. A couple years back massage therapy was highlighted at an MS talk I went to, as the most beneficial alternative therapy out there. But that was all I ever heard. Nothing about replacing your $50,000 a year injectable medication with weekly massages.

When you start looking into new research, I think in any medical disease,  it appears they are always on the cusp of discovering a cure for XYand Z. Or getting closer to discovering the cause of AB and C. Seriously. Try it.

'Zebra fish help shed light on  mechanism of re-mylenation. May open door to new therapeutics.'

2 years later.

'7the grader with a microscope in her garage discovers cure!'

3 years later.

'Researchers  reverse paralysis in  mice with secret compound.'

As one neurologist said, "Its a great time to have MS."  If you're a mouse. Person, not so much.

Another interesting study was done  on Biotin, or B7, or vitamin H, and a few other names. Just to make looking things up more fun.

My favorite one of late is this one. Can't  wait to order my own cocktail some day.

"I'll have an antifungal, with a steroid. Neat."

At least the drugs in the last study are already existing compounds. So that should help speed things up. By about 20 years or so.

Ok. So I'm a little jaded when it comes to medical research actually coming up with new and helpful innovations. In a timely fashion. But when time=progression=sucky, time is of the essence. And time marches, or limps, on.

 I will bring up all these studies, and more, to my neurologist. And then I'll schedule a massage.

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