Malachi really is one of the smiliest babies. (Smiliest was highlighted as a misspelled word. I'll bet Words with Friends would allow it.) All anyone has to is say hi to him and he pulls out and delivers the biggest grin he can. He just exudes happiness and contentment.

 

 

 

 

So it has been a huge turn around that he has been doing this a lot this week. Last week he had a little cold but it was never really bad, meaning I didn't have to extract anything from his nose with the hated blue squeezy thing. I've been waiting for any drainage to stop but I still have to wipe his nose several times a day and he definitely is not feeling his normal self. Meaning he requires lots of pacing and bouncing and strolling. It is so sad to see him trying to tell me what is wrong, as loudly as he possibly can, but I still don't know what. His gums look fine, he felt a little warm yesterday morning, but that was 5 days into it. If he is in the midst of a communication session. nursing is not desired at all, on his part. So I keep pacing. Eventually he gets into a low mournful  moan on the exhales and then I know he is going to fall asleep. If I time it correctly he will be asleep enough to not be offended by nursing and  eventually I can put him down for a little bit.

 I feel so exhausted at that point I can just muster the energy to take a quick shower and make some sort of meal. I am afraid the little kids schooling has been compromised this week, but the big kids are carrying on nicely.

So when my sister sent me a text to join her on Words with Friends, I thought yes, that is what I need. We love to get together for Scrabble, but as schedules don't always allow for real, live, in-person game it seemed the perfect option. So I signed up, apparently all the user names I tried were taken so I am just a random number and won't know how to find me. But if we just keep a game going all the time I don't have to worry about it.

Yesterday she came over and we played a real game. We took turns pacing with the baby and sorting out kid squabbles. Then finished up our virtual game we had started that morning. I asked her at what point we might suspect we have a problem. She said when we stop feeding the kids. That sounded about right. But I was a little unsure of our diagnostic criteria when it was time to go and we found this:

 

But they were well fed, no one needed a socket put back in place, and we had both won our fair share. And Cyprian now knows how difficult it is to put a mattress pad on a lower bunk without hitting your head. So we all learned some good lessons. And some new words. More on that later. I have to go. It's my turn.

Shane didn't have all the details of my day yesterday, when half way through it he called and told me if I put away the laundry he'd give me a backrub after dinner. At least I could have understood it that way. What he really meant was if I unearthed the massage table from the mountain of clean laundry sitting on it, we could utilize it for it's intended purpose. Which, I found out, is not as a clean laundry hamper. Though it is pretty functional that way too.

For the rest of the day I'd catch myself getting grumpy and then I'd remember the promised treat. And sometimes I'd remember the clean laundry. But things were so busy all evening I didn't get to it until a few minutes before he walked in the door. The kids had already eaten so I gave the baby to them to play with and Shane and I  sat down to eat and recount our respective days. Mine was mostly whining about how draining- physically and emotionally-my day was. Shane, after listening to the news on the way home, about how morally drained our society and country are and it doesn't appear there are going to be any major improvements for a few generations.


In thinking it over, the brazenness of the evil in society is astounding. And its not that so much that it is just tolerated, but is promoted, and taught to be  'normal'. Anything different is laughed at, at best, persecuted, at worst. Though its not fiery stakes or lions or any of the other forms of torture used in the first 300 years of the Church, and some places still today, it is persecution nonetheless. And its everywhere .Seriously, if you value your employment, you can't wish your co-workers a Merry CHRISTMAS. You can't talk about how you are against killing children out 'offending' someone. Marriage? That's so outdated and exclusionary.

 And then he go to the scary part. Yes, things have been slowly, initially, and now rampantly been getting worse. But to continue, evil needs the next generation. Meaning my kids. And your kids. And their kids. And it will try to slowly wear them down. To desensitize them to evil and it's fruit and eventually convince them it does net exist. Its just a bogeyman you think is under your bed. But look. There's nothing there. See? Everything is fine. Now go to sleep.

A bishop, somewhere, said recently of the rapid decay of society and its effort to eradicate Truth, 

"I am going to die in my bed. My successor will die in prison. And his successor will be martyred in the public square."
 For speaking the Truth.

Maybe his successor will be my son. And his successor my grandson. And They Can't Have Them!!!

I am sure every thinking generation thinks they are the most corrupt and can't imagine things getting worse. But that just means they have no imagination. Things can and will get worse. More babies will be killed, more lies put forth as the truth, more good people will be persecuted.

Shane posited a situation where homeschooling was outlawed and the state comes to take your kids. What would you do? As a Christian, what can our response be? Like Peter, do we cut off their ear? ( I'd probably start with something else, personally) Or do we turn the other cheek? And what does that look like when it comes to our children?

It seems so overwhelming and hopeless at times. Which is exactly what Satan would like.

I've been reading a book my brother-in-law recommended called Everywhere Present by Stephen Freeman. I've only gotten a little way through, but am really enjoying it and wished I'd started it at the beginning of lent, instead of Holy Thursday. I won't try to summarize the book as I am sure I'd do it poorly and that would not be fair. However, it did help me to think about what Everywhere Present might mean. And how we accept and live with the fact that God is EVERYWHERE PRESENT.  Not just in saints and tabernacles. God is Life. And Life is Everywhere. Where life is celebrated and welcomed, so is God. Where it is not, well God is still there. We are just choosing to ignore or deny Him. And what does that mean for how we live? Not just for ourselves, but for the whole world. I think of all the monks and nuns praying unceasingly for themselves and all of creation. That we might see and accept God's presence and strive to make our life here an abundance of His Life. To share that with everyone we encounter. To be able to see in everyone the Divine Spark that makes us icons of the Creator and bring more light to the world. Because who would want less God in the world?

It is so apparent to me when I see little Malachi. He truly is an abundance of Goodness. But the same is true of the guy who cut me off, the dis-obedient child, and the grumpy worn out mother. He's there. And I don't think Satan can stand it and stupidly thinks he can win by trying to put out the lights or blind us to the reality that God is here. But we all know God wins. And there we can find our  comfort. That and chubby thighs. Even if he is fussy.

Even When No One is Puking, Days Are Still Hard

I just realized how long it has been since I've updated. A while. Like we have a new pope now, while. And Pascha feels like years ago.

Craziness has been mostly contained the past few weeks. Not controlled. Just contained. And on a good day, so are Malachi's poops. Which is good because he's been choosing the most inopportune moments for a movement. Cyril has started eye therapy to help improve his visual acuity. And no matter what day of the week, or what hour of the day the appointments are, Malachi feels the need to leave his mark. I try to wrap him in a blanket and muffle it a little. But it usually does not work. And if it did, the warm sour-yogurt cloud that quickly permeates the small office will not go unnoticed. I finally got Cyril comfortable enough ( I will under no circumstances leave you and head for a warmer climate, besides now Malachi needs a new outfit) to be ok with me excusing myself and  going to the bathroom or car to clean him up as best I can. And now Cyril thinks it is jut funny and reports to the kids when we get home that Malachi did it again. They have taken to referring to the eye doctor as the 'poo doctor'.  I am just hoping he recognizes we are at the dentist, later this week, and withholds his gift a couple hours. At least I know where to take him if he ever gets constipated.

He has actually had a cold this last week. This is his first big kid illness, and he is a big kid #19 3 oz.
But he is also 6 months old this week, so I knew we couldn't keep him for everything forever. He is not losing too much sleep over it, just a little fussy here and there and not napping as well. Thankfully, the stroller can let him sleep in  as semi-reclining position so that helps a bit. As does a little ibuprofen . Still, he  is just needier, which makes for a more exhausted Mama. Even with all the kids fighting to help him. Heavy accent on the FIGHTING. Not much of the helping.


Today he was not comfortable enough to nurse and nap so I paced and he moaned and I rocked and he moaned. And I knew he was tired and I also knew Shane was going to be late and that I had nothing for dinner and needed to go to the store and the kids were getting along poorly. He finally went to sleep so I gently asked the kids to keep their audio output to a minimum and please for the love of everything holy, stop fighting. So they put their game faces on. And got along about as well as an Israeli and a Palestinian would do in a three-legged race. Which, of course, woke him up. And when he finally went back down, I did the big girl thing, instead of playing Words with friends, and went to the grocery store and bought enough sedatives to last a week. Just kidding. Just milk and cereal and chicken. I popped in the drug store to get more ibuprofen. They had a cereal the kids, especially Cyprian, like for $2 less than the grocery store. So I bought the whole shelf. Which was only 7. I was so excited I forgot the ibuprofen and had to buy it at the grocery store. So I probably came out even in the end.

And now it is that magic hour where I drink wine with my husband and put together a feast Barefoot Contessa would be drooling over. Kidding again. It's 7:00. Shane is still not home. I'll feed the kids some chicken and potatoes and try to get the house in some version of 'clean'. Tomorrow I'll tell you all about how the country is going you know where in a hand basket. And it might all be due to Words With Friends.

Today I took Kateri to the mall. It was my fault. She had been displaying some rather undesirable habits around school work so I devised a plan. For her and Cyprian. If they could go one week without whining, school time and beyond, they would each get to pick a store and I would take them. Looking back I see I could have been much more reasonable. Like, don't whine and I'll make you dinner, or wash your clothes. But then Kateri could realistically decide she could do those herself so it had to be something she could not do. Like drive.

They did it, I am happy to report. Cyprian had chosen the military surplus store, but as he had donated all his money to a friend's medical bills, we decided to put it off until he saved up again. (More on that later. Kids can be so heart warming.) Just writing that I can see a post on donations would be much better than a post on  shopping but shopping is what is I am recovering from right now so this is what you get.

Kateri was up and ready to go at 8:00 this morning. I was not. She finally got me to commit to taking her before lunch. But nothing more specific as I knew she'd be reminding and pushing me into the car when I wasn't ready. So before lunch I fed Malachi, she packed the stroller, and we were off. At first I thought 'Its early. We could probably get a parking place close in and maybe just leave the stroller.'  Then I remembered he is 18 lbs now and she night not make swift decisions so it might be worth the hassle of getting it out. On the way I asked her how much she had saved up.

"$42" she proudly answered jingling her bag of money.

"How much of it is in dollar bills?" I asked, cringing.

"$10. I have two $5 bills. The rest is in quarters."

"Oh" I said feeling more thankful for the stroller.


Once we got out of the parking lot, Kateri insisted on pushing the stroller and the elevator buttons as we made out way to the doll store. Malachi mostly was entertained, though he didn't like  to stop too long inspecting the outfits. And once he saw an outfit he did not feel the need to go around and look at them all again.  And again. But Kateri did so we went round and round. All the while I was feeling  irritated with the ridiculous prices and wanting to convince Kateri to go somewhere else and didn't they realize how hard she had worked for her coins and her trip to the mall and didn't they feel ashamed for taking her money? And no amount of smiling and doling out stickers is going to distract me  from the fact that this doll dress is more expensive than the dinner I am making tonight for our whole family.

Then I remembered a particularly memorable shopping trip when I was younger, when Macy's was The Bon and Frangos were made by Frederick & Nelson. So it was awhile ago. It was December and my sister, a friend, and I were downtown, Christmas shopping for the day. We hit the large stores first, and probably picked up some of said Frangos, then went through the smaller boutiques where I remember buying some specialty wrapping paper and calculating the exact cost with tax so I could have the money ready. Which maybe meant I was bored and getting tired of shopping.

We continued on and ended up in Eddie Bauer, which at first I thought was cool, mostly because my older brother worked answering phones for their catalogue and older brothers are cool. Cooler than a fez. But this was the store,  and also not as cool. And then we went down some stairs to what felt like a  basement, but was just the lower level. It felt darker and colder and a little stifling with all the racks and stacks of clothes. I suddenly felt sick. Not in body, but in my soul. Like I was surrounded by evil and sinister people. Like in a movie where someone has been drugged and  everyone around them is playing along like everything is normal but really it is some big sinister plot and then suddenly the protagonist- that would be me-stands up to them, climbs up on a table and wakes everyone out of their drug induced stupor by shouting that I know what they are doing and they are all a bunch of fakes but I know what is going on and  I won't let them get away with it!

I didn't. And they weren't. Turns out I was just really hungry and needed lunch. But I felt more strongly this time I was right. $32 for an outfit that would fit a cat? Or a doll the size of a cat. I reminded her that some other stores had outfits for less and offered to take her there if she wanted to see them. But she was sure she wanted to spend her quarters there. So she did and the lady at the register graciously mentioned that they were in need of quarters as she counted out $23 worth.

On the way out we stopped at the candle store. Shane has been expressing a desire to have some relaxing scents in our bedroom/bathroom. Maybe something reminiscent of a spa. So I thought I'd see what I could find. When the lady asked what I was looking for I said,

"Something like  a spa. Maybe some eucalyptus with some spice but not fruity."

She directed me to three scents. Two of which had elements of what I was looking for and maybe together might do the trick. The third was patchouli, which Shane has forbidden me to ever bring home. Ever. A good deal  of his childhood was spent In Eugene, OR. So I unwrapped the other two and set them on the bathroom sink and will test them out as air fresheners before I actually light them. And hopefully Shane won't  detect some hidden patchouli in the aromas and barf when he walks into it.

After we finally left the mall I remembered I needed to drop off a package and get milk on the way home. Fortunately there was a mailbox not too far from home.  I toyed with the idea of going to the regular store for milk. But that would mean hauling everyone across the parking lot and there was snow in the rain and the baby was already falling asleep in his car seat. The corner store, I knew, was at least twice as expensive and probably would not have more than a gallon of whole milk, as I had bought several already yesterday. And they only sell half&half in quarts. I don't know what anyone does with such a small amount but I can at least get a couple lattes out of it and then hopefully get enough energy to get myself to Costco for life-sized cartons. In then end I chose the more expensive convenient option. In the space it took me to grab the two cartons of milk they had left and one carton of  my staple beverage. the weather went from rain, to hail, to snow, to nothing. Along with really,really cold. I was glad I had chosen the close option. And Kateri was glad she had chosen the store and outfit she did and ran to get her friend for a doll party when we got home. I had lunch and then a latte and I just smelled my bathroom and think the candles might be the right mix. Maybe we'll get some more cold weather tonight and I can recover from our shopping trip with a hot shower in my spa-scented bathroom.

Finally

 

For whatever reason, probably something perfectly reasonable like 'I'm a baby and I'm teething and in pain' Malachi has only taken 10 min naps, if that, today. I could tell he was tired and tried snuggling him and nursing him. But he didn't like anything on the menu and showed his displeasure by grinding and gnashing his gums. Generally with me in between them. Which would set off my own grinding and gnashing and muttering of threats to cut him off  FOREVER if he continued in that vein. We tried some topical and natural teething aids. We tried swaddling, just for fun. With no relief. Finally I gave him a dose of Tylenol and he is finally asleep. And because it is not raining and we got our work done already, the kids  are playing outside and I am taking slow deep breaths and preparing for the dinner rush while I finish my coffee. And of course, typing.

 

 

 

Malachi is getting bigger. Lots bigger. He is in 9 mos outfits and weighs about 18 lbs. The kids complain their backs are sore and we are getting lots of use, and relief, out of the stroller my sister brought over. At first she asked if we'd like to have her cast off stroller and advertised it as 'kind of old and crusty' so to make Shane happy I said no thanks. As I knew it would be stored in his garage which is slowly being taken over by Cyril's projects already. But I told Shane about it. Just so he could know how thoughtful I am. And so he could thank me. Which he did.

 

 

Then last week we were attempting to play a sisterly game of Scrabble and munchkin was being super squirmy and difficult. And my sister just happened to have said crusty stroller in the back of her car and suggested maybe he'd like it and the kids could stroll him around the house. so she  brought it in, we dusted off the cobwebs and whatever else was inhabiting it, and  Kateri took him for a spin. He loved it and the kids lined up to take turns pushing him, pretending it was a train making stops to let kids off and on. We  were able to get back to our game and the stroller has become a permanent household fixture. Shane is fine with it and we don't even store it in the garage because it is in use so often. I even took it to the store so Kateri could push him- she was super excited- and  I could push the cart.

 

(Well the Tylenol really worked. He slept a whole 20 min before waking up so he could not be happy while I strolled him with my coffee in hand! At which point I called Cyril I to walk him so I could roll out the dough for the cheese pizza I promised him we'd have for dinner.)

 

 
 
 
 
 
4 hrs later. Good thing he is so incredibly cute. He was less fussy after his Napoleon nap. But its only 8:30 which is very early for his bedtime and he's so tired that now he's doing this:



And I know it is possible he will have a nap, then wake up ready for a party. Maybe I'll call my sister and suggest a game of Scrabble.

 

Did Someone Read My Mind?

So things are much better today. I was relieved to find that the pharmacist's claims of 'you'll start to feel a little better in 12 hrs' was an underexaggeration. I still felt under the weather, but not miserable after a few hours and gallons of water.

I asked Shane to stop and get me some probiotics on his way home, along with anything tasty from Whole Foods as I had no dinner plan or delusions that I would be able to by the time he got home. He said yes. Then I asked if we could take a sick day and watch Skyfall. He saw it in the theaters and liked it. I'm getting to be more of a homebody and prefer to watch movies when I have everything I might want at my disposal, including the ability to pause to change a diaper or lay the baby down once he falls asleep. Shane said sure.

The kids had been so helpful and independent while I was taking care of myself I thought they should get a little Lenten reprieve too. So Shane brought home the pills and some dinner and we did just that-Rise of the Guardians for kids upstairs, Skyfall for the parents and baby downstairs. And it was just the way I liked it. Pauses to get more blankets and change the baby. Or get a glass of water and whatever else I needed. It was very restorative and entertaining and just what I  needed. Usually it takes me until about midlent to weaken any Lenten resolve I started with and want to take a break. But illness has a way of speeding up that process. And there were elements of feeding the hungry, caring for the sick and other works of mercy.

We were back to our usual schedule today. I am starting to think Malachi did not have roesola. The rash is still there and could be eczema instead. Which sound weird to think of on a baby's tummy. We'll try some lotions/change of soap etc. And hopefully we won't have to get to changing my diet. He doesn't complain at all but its still sad to see the rough/dry patches on him.

And on the topic of medical ailments, I was very interested to read this article. I have not watched the TED talk it references but a phone app that can detect nitrates in urine sounds pretty amazing and I will watch it when I find it.

For Women Everywhere, or UTIs, really, really bite!

So over the weekend I kept up my regimen to ward off UTIs. It was going ok, except when some of the herbs made me vomit violently  and I spent the rest of the day in bed wondering if it was the herbs, or if we were finally catching what everyone else has been going through and we had, so far, been fortunate in avoiding. By the evening it seemed to be the former, but I did get some good naps in so the day was not a loss. Shane, super sweetly, ran to the store to get anything he thought I might want/need plus provisions for the kid  so and he to be able to  fend for themselves. Fortunately I had roasted a pork shoulder on Thursday along with some mashed sweet potatoes so there were some tasty vittles to snack on.

Yesterday we carried on and made it so some lessons, but I was tired so asked Shane to stop and do some grocery shopping on his way home.

Then this morning, before I even got out of bed, I knew I was loosing the battle and it was time to call in the cavalry. I knew the clinic opened at 9am and thought if I hurried I could get there and get seen soon. I had planned on taking Cyril in to get measured for glasses- more on that some other time-but quickly decided I could not do both errands and stopping the fiery urination was first on my list. I was so thankful to have Kateri, who is always up for anything, to take with me. I woke her up, explained the situation and with minimal breakfast on her part, none on my part, and a quick diaper change-done by Kateri-we were soon hurtling toward the clinic. Where two other people were already waiting!!

But in about an hour we were given a prescription and heading to the pharmacy. I knew the antibiotic I prefer, Monural, usually has to be ordered and didn't know a pharmacy that kept it stocked, other than the hospital one. I was not about to go traipsing around to get them and  was willing to take whatever I could get so went with the one she recommended when she said it goes well with lactating. I think that is about the only pairings I'm going to be doing for a very long time. At least until they find a way to Teflon coat a bladder and make it impenetrable to nasty things. (On that note, Shane told me about a TED talk on printing organs. There was a boy, who 10 yrs ago, was given a new bladder printed from his own cells. Not sure that would cure all my problems but maybe they can print and apply myelin to my nerves too. Then I might be set.) The dr was nice enough to call ahead and make sure the pharmacy had it, which they did. Which made it super annoying when 15 min later I showed up to pick it up and was told it would be ready in 20 min!!

Fortunately the store next door has a restroom and I wanted to get some yogurt too. I would have gotten acidophilus as well but could not find any so might send Shane to get some later tonight. I am really hoping it will not cause Malachi's yeast to resurrect. We had been doing very well but I ran out of the tablets I was using on him and had not restocked them so we could both use new bottles.

I was instructed to take the pills four time today, and twice for the rest of the week. The pharmacist told me I could take a double dose for the doses today to get things going more quickly. I was happy for the advice. Hopefully I will still be happy when the side effects kick in as well. Not just the ones where the bacteria dies and goes to hell to suffer fire and misery forever. That is a fine side effect. The less pleasant ones, which because it is a double dose might also be  doubly unpleasant. But this morning I felt miserable and not wanting to wait until I was completely incapacitated, feverish and unable able to  drive myself - that happened once, on Thanksgiving of all days- but my nephew had a round of chewable antibiotics he would not take and the dr on call said I could take those so it worked out. So I had a quick snack when I got home and popped two pills.

Then feeling like things were finally under control, I gave the baby to Audrey and went up to finally take a shower. The hot water felt so relaxing and I was mentally feeling great knowing I was going to make it I was temped to stay for an hour. But just as I was getting out, Cyril burst in shouting something about alarms and we had to get out the house now! I quickly threw my robe and cam running downstairs not really knowing what was going on. The three other kids were standing on the back porch looking mildly concerned and I asked Cyril to explain again what was going on.

He told me the carbon monoxide alarm went off and said to evacuate and he had been feeling sleepy. I was quite pleased the kids had immediately gone outside and knew, if such and emergency arose they would respond appropriately. But this was not an emergency. Kateri had bumped the monitor and set off the test alarm sequence while trying to hide from Pippin.

So we un-evacuated, I got dressed, and finally made myself some coffee, which along with the shower I had also skipped this morning. And then feeling sleepy, decided to take the baby upstairs for a nap, leaving Pippin to boil some noodles for lunch. With Audrey and Cyril doing their Latin at the table and offering help if Pippin needs it.

Then I thought I'd prepare myself for what is next to come and read the label for the antibiotics, which includes dizziness, tiredness, headache, nausea, and the really explosive diarrhea. Which is exactly what carbon monoxide poisoning looks like, with the exception of the last. Not too much fun, but still preferable to death by UTI.

All this to say I asked the dr about home tests I had read about on the internet, because I know drs like that- to help avoid unnecessary visits or to encourage one when things are not heading the right direction. She said the strips test for leukocytes and nitrates. Presence of nitrates is  the gold standard of an infection as they are the bi-product of bacteria and if they are present your trip to the clinic will not be for naught. But she said some drs might still treat for an infection even if the tests were both negative and if it seemed helpful to me get some from Amazon, or wherever. I will talk it over next week when I go see the ladies at the women's clinic and see what their take on it is.

 It is so frustrating to have to deal with something so miserable and urgent but takes a trip to the dr and the pharmacy to get resolved that anything that could give me a heads up or a relax and have a glass- of water-would be very welcome. I mean, women used to have to go to the dr to diagnose and treat a yeast infection, or get  a pregnancy test. How backwards is that? Things have moved in a much better direction and I can't wait until the diagnosing and treating of UTIs is relegated to the same class of 'can you believe women had to put up with ...' before?  Not as welcome as a permacoated bladder, but in the mean time, it would do.