6 Weeks

How time flies. We had our 6 week apt with the midwives. Which was our last. This is how Malachi and I both felt about it.

 

 

 

 

"I want my midwives!"

 

 

At the appointment  Heike held Malachi, who sensed her presence, relaxed, and went to sleep.

She truly is a mommy-in-labor-baby-whisperer-can-you-move-in-next-door-please kind of lady. Makes me want to get pregnant just so I can go see her. But she encouraged us to  stop by anytime to say hi. And since she is near my neurologist who I see in a few weeks, we just might do that.

 

 

But most of the time Malachi looks like this:

 

 

 

Which is probably due to the fact that he has become a very rotund  11 lb 13 oz  piglet.  I took him to his 6 week check up. He was 75th percentile for height and weight. And 90-95th for head circumference. So he is a smart piglet too. He passed all the tests with flying colors.

 

I was a little worried that night, when actually cried at bed time. More like screamed. I tried nursing him. Burping him. Shane walked him, bounced him, talked to him. I was hot and sweaty and afraid he was starting a new phase and my calm little kitten was turning into a grunty, squealy, screaming pig. But finally, he did an enormous poop, nursed, and went to sleep. I changed him between the pooping and nursing. And being that it was almost 3am when all was said and pooped, we slept in until 11:00 the next morning. Fortunately, he has not repeated the episode and we are attempting to get everyone to sleep at a more reasonable time.

 

Malachi still likes to sleep on someone's chest. Which is great for me. None of  the other kids liked that for too long. But I love knowing I, or Shane, is right next to him all night. I can feed him, hand him  to Shane,  and Malachi wakes up from a sound night's sleep smelling like men's cologne. Everybody wins. And gets sleep.

 

My snorky little pig is calling for lunch. Which means I should eat something too.

 

 

 

 

 

Baptism

 

 

I wrote this post three times. Then decided none of them captured the magical night before Christmas feeling of the event. It was thrown together two days before the actual event. No reception. Three grandparents, one uncle, and godparents were able to attend. Plus regular Saturday night parishioners. The kids were given their cameras and my phone for pictures, These are all by Kateri. It was super cold that night. Afterwards we stopped at the store for dinner ingredients, came home and cooked the meat inside because it was too cold to grill. Turned on the fire, opened some celebratory wine, and enjoyed our new little Christian. The whole event felt positively magical. I half expected to come out of the church to Christmas lights and a surprise snow storm.

 

Baptized

 

                                                                       Chrismated

A quick wardrobe change.

 

 

And there he was. No picture of his first Eucharist as we did not have time to get into position.

Afterwards I realized we did not get a group picture with godparents and family and Father. But I quickly saw an opportunity to get most everybody in this shot. His godmother is just leaving the church. I thought it was pretty successful given the last minuteness. Oh, and there was a football game that night and traffic was horrible. My brother texted me saying Father was looking for a baby. we arrived a couple minutes later and walked right in and Father started the opening prayers.
Shane's parents arrived a bit later and the godparents just a little before the actual baptism.

Standing there, holding Malachi, next to Shane reciting the creed gave me an overwhelming sense of awe, together with responsibility, gratefulness, and the feeling that everything at that moment was just the way it was supposed to be and it was humbling to be able to participate in something so incredible.  It was not just me. Shane said afterwards he felt the same. That it was perfect.

Look! Two Arms.

As opposed to one. Or none. I forgot how exhausting just holding a baby all day can be. Even with all the extra arms. Sometimes only mom's will do the trick, and mine are sore and my back hurts. Then I took him to his 3 week check-up yesterday and found he weighs 9 lbs 13 oz! So that explained it. The midwife took one look at me and said,

"You need to eat more."

So  on the way home I stopped at the store, first time grocery shopping by myself, actually Kateri was with me. But I was the only adult. Ok the only driver. Anyway, we stocked up on more half and half, doughnut holes, steak, eggs, butter, and honey crisp apples. If he keeps gaining weight at a rate that would make a sumo wrestler proud, I might just have to schedule some maintenance back rubs. And some regular  deliveries of highly caloric foods, as I should probably save my stores by not walking around a store pushing a cart. Or thinking. The midwife asked me how many wet diapers he has in 24 period. And how many hours of sleep I get in a 24 hr period. Then she told me I need to get more of that too. ( the sleep, not the diapers). Which is hard to do with a nursing baby who, when he is not sleeping, is grunting, pooping, or eating. She suggested I nap with him. Which is tempting, but it is also tempting to do things with two arms when I have them both available. Things like typing.

I actually composed some really good posts in my head in the past few weeks. At least I thought they were gems at the time. But they never made it to text, which is probably just as well as the post partum hormone cocktail with a twist of sleep deprivation that I  was taking probably made things sound a lot more entertaining than they were. Plus, there was a touch of  "O, me miseram" that would not be so uplifting. And  I realized, what is better- when you are feeling sad about totally imaginary things- than adding really sad, but also real, things to the mix. Not much, if you are going from maximum drama. At least I can say I didn't watch myself cry in the mirror like a 7 year old. Although that might have only been because I was in the shower and the glass was too fogged up.

But eventually I did get some sleep and the fears of him stopping breathing lessened and the sad disparity between his  sweetness and the world's insidious and cold ways did not feel like an immediate threat. And the sad but true stories were put back in the past.  To await being dragged out again the next time he pulls an all-nighter.


So basically we are all doing really well. It was great to see the midwives again. I will be sad when the appointments end at my 6 week check-up. We finally made an appointment for his baptism. I don't know if the baptismal gown will fit him. I have no clue what will fit me. I thought there might be an opportunity to get my hair done before the event but it does not look like that is going to happen. I put the big kids on picture duty for Malachi's big day and hope they don't fight over vantage points. We decided to do it on a Saturday evening as there is nothing like trying to get 6 people fed, dressed, and in church before 10am after a rough night. And because we may have had a rough night the night before, we are forgoing a reception afterwards. Once it gets dark and cold, which it has been here lately, I just want to put cozies on, have some tea, or maybe some wine with Shane and be home.

Which reminds me, I think it is time for lunch. Too bad I ate all the doughnut holes already.

It's Been Fun

Fun going over the previous births. And helpful to me, as well. Maybe it's odd, but I feel excited about the next one. Not just because it means we'll get to meet our new baby, but to see what kind of challenges it will present and how I deal with them. Hopefully well. But almost like a marathon runner or whatever you like, you want to do it better than last time. And much like a long distance race, it is a mind game. I am feeling mentally prepared in that I have everything at my disposal that I might want or need. But then there is always the unexpected curve ball and you think, 'OK, next time I'll prepare for that too.'  I can only talk about a next time because I am not currently in labor. I will re-read this post , post delivery and maybe add some thoughts.

Shane and I were discussing this morning over the Swedish pancakes he had made, how wonderful life is. And as the kids left the table to go on to  their respective activities  how full of life the house feels. One aspect of the first few weeks that is hard for me is adjusting to the loneliness of being on a schedule that only one other member of the house is on. And then it is only because that other member has very specific and urgent needs that must  be addressed and will not be put off until morning or after your shower.

But I am realizing #5 will not be like #1-4. Most of them can meet their own needs, or help the others when they can't. Some can even meet mine and the baby's needs and I am feeling like it will not be the 4 to 1 ratio of needers to providers that our week days were before. They can all cook, clean, make coffee, go to bed on their own, and are eager to hold and help with the baby. Some nights they might even want to sit up and watch whatever I might find on Netflix because I'm too tired to  read and Malachi can only sleep with me sitting up. And having to get up at 5am for work, I can't expect Shane to join me often. It is comforting to think I won't have to face it all alone. Which like I said is the hardest part for me, emotionally. The other part being sleep deprived, but again they can take care of the house  while baby and  I take a nap after a bad night.Plus they are all proficient baristas, chefs, house cleaners, baby sitters, and Scrabble players. It really will be a whole new world.

So I am looking forward to all of it. And to not wearing the maternity shirts that don't actually cover all my belly anyway and require a jacket or sweater if I go out in public. I only have one pair of pants, and they are not even maternity. And like the shirts, they require another top layer to give full coverage. I only have one dress for Sundays, which makes it easy for choosing what to wear, but with the colder weather settling in, I'd like some warmer options. Of course nursing has its own limited wardrobe, but cotton and stretchy is what I like best anyway so I don't mind.

If I don't go into labor in the next few hours we are planning on attending a retirement party for a friend downtown. I will change my stretchy pants and shirt for something more appropriate and festive.( Ok, my one dress)  And I will take the carseat and diaper bag, just in case Malachi  tries to beat the shortest labor record. But nothing seems ominous or looming and I fully expect we'll make it back home for a midnight snack and bedtime. I do think consciously that each meal could be my last and try to eat accordingly.

Ok. I wrote up to this point pre-baby, planning on finishing it the next morning. But the next morning felt ominous to me and I forgot about it.

We did, in fact, make it to the party. It was fun to get out for a bit and everything went well. Except the part where I directed Shane to the bathroom, only to have him come quickly back out when he realized it was for the opposite sex. He asked why the big "W" had not clued me in. Honestly, I forgot the name of the hotel  (Hotel 1000) and thought it was the The  W. So I hadn't thought twice about the large letter emblazoned on the door. Or once, apparently.

But after that it was smooth sailing and, as I thought, we came home,  and had some more snacks, because you never know, and went to bed.

Getting There

I was planning on sitting down with my second breve latte of the day- this one being decaf-and writing up a post. Which of course meant it was time for Malachi to wake from his nap and keep me company. So we will see how this goes. I decided to switch to decaf coffee after my morning regular breve. I am finding lattes are still my preferred method of conveyance for keeping with my daily half and half quota. I figured Malachi would be dependent on it, given how much I drank throughout his gestational period. And we are having perfect weather for coffee, so I don't mind. I was already practiced in making them one-handed. Typing one-handed, not so much.

I had considered making a regular coffee as I was feeling rather sleepy. But I've been having trouble sleeping at night and am trying to break the cycle of insomnia so decided to stick to the light stuff after the morning. I asked the midwife about it and she said it is adrenaline still keeping me going. A runner's high that lasts almost 2 weeks? Seems a bit extreme to me. And very frustrating when I can't sleep but the baby is.

She also recommended I get at least one solid 4 hour chunk of sleep in a 24 hr period. Sounds dreamy to me but baby has not gotten the memo yet. So far his sleeping pattern seems to be no real sleep until after 1am, only light naps before that. Then there is lots of eating and pooping and grunting as he prepares for really deep sleep starting around 4am. That lasts anywhere from 3-4 hrs or when mom wants to take a shower. Whichever comes first. Then if  Kateri is up I have her come lie down next to him to act as a decoy while I sneak in a quick  personal hygiene routine. The past two nights he slept well, after 4am, and I was able to get some real sleep. I celebrated by adding a hair wash to the morning routine and staying in until the hot water ran out. Which, given that the Shane and the older kids had just had showers prior, was not as long, or as hot, as I'd have preferred. But at least it happened.

I find that even if I wake up feeling rested, it only lasts until 1pm or so and then I feel exhausted the rest of the day. Until I try to go to bed. But I know things will eventually get on a more normal schedule. It just might be a couple years so I need to be patient.

Our daily schedules are cobbled together as best we can. Grandma takes the kids to music and writing and Latin lessons so we are getting some school work done. Today, Shane was able to work from home. Then when Cyril was having trouble focusing on his Latin, he decided to take him and their laptops to Starbuck's to work. Cyprian has been exploring new technologies by making lots of movies on his new Surface. Kateri has been researching historical forms of entertainment by watching old Tom and Jerry cartoons. And Audrey has actually been doing her algebra, while simultaneously listening for and soothing the baby as he naps on the couch. So we'll get there someday.

Just so you know, it has taken me over an hour to finish this. It was punctuated by lots of baby needs, getting distracted by baby's warm fuzzy-coma-inducing body, and finally by a dirty diaper. Which Audrey is not so keen on abandoning her math for. Duty calls.

He's Here

 

Malachi Arcadius

 

He is currently 10 days old, 2 oz past his birth weight, and so far a very chill baby. I lost a bit of blood and was on bed rest for awhile. Shane went back to work this week. We are getting a little schooling done, enough laundry, and not too many tears to go with it all. I finally sat down and looked through the birth pictures today, wanting to get some energy back before re-living the event. It was ok. The picture viewing. Eventually I'll get to telling his story in full. And a host of other things I have not gotten to yet. But first we are going to take some snuggle time. And change  a diaper.

And Now We are Up To Date

Kateri was one of the easiest babies. She was always happy. So content that when Shane suggested we fly across country with her to go the Treasures of Byzantium exhibit as the Metropolitan Museum of Art when she was 10 mos old, I could  honestly say, "That sounds like fun!" And it was. Cyril had gone from happy baby, to trying to compete for most mischievous toddler. Which, unfortunately, he was very successful at. No cup of coffee was safe if you put it down. Distraction and subterfuge came naturally and I would have pulled out all my hair, but the post partum shedding was doing that for me. He was at least cheerful as he went about his antics, but still exhausting, and thankfully, Kateri didn't seem to want to join in the  competition, so we managed  to get through our days.

And then came the news of a new arrival in the fall. Though feeling a little overwhelmed, I was excited to call up the midwives. I'd missed the visits and was excited to see who was teamed up together and have them meet the kids. Kateri loved going to 'Allie's house' as she called the Birth Center and accompanied me to most of the appointments.

Cyprian's due date was Oct 1st. We planned another home birth, but this time I wanted an ultrasound to check out the placenta placement and anything else it could tell us. Unfortunately, cord length was not something they could discern on the ultrasound, but they could see it was all functioning properly, the placenta was in a good location. Also clearly visible was the indisputable fact he was a boy. I figured after three surprises it would be nice to know which set of baby clothes to wash. And if I needed to spend time figuring out a middle name for a girl or not. We had already settled on Adele for the first, after Shane's great aunt. So instead we sorted out Cyprian's middle name there in the ultrasound room and after washing the boy clothes we had nothing left to do, but keep Cyril from setting the house on fire while we waited.

Shane asked me last night which of the births did I think was the best. Well, all of them were mostly straightforward with no real complications or sad endings so I feel like I could say all of them. I don't think of the hospital birth as bad. Not the birth part anyway, but that has nothing to do with the hospital. Somehow Cyprian's birth seems very memorable, but maybe because it was the most recent. recent being 7 yrs ago. Or maybe because I got to experience something new this time.

Like Audrey's, labor started around 3:00 am  with my water breaking. Then it went on more like Cyril's and  Pippn arrived weighing 7lbs 12 oz, 4:43am. See why I am hoping for an afternoon baby? I am sure everyone who will attend and come see Malachi would appreciate it too. But at least not getting a full night's sleep was offset by the not too long labor. I hope I am not mistaken in expecting  this one to mostly follow suit. Funny that both boy's labors were 2hrs or less. Maybe Malachi can be the record breaker?

The brevity, coupled with the intensity, was a little tiring and I felt rather spent afterwards. As did Shane who had been helping alleviate the lower back pain by massaging it for the better part of  an hour, getting a short break when the midwife took a turn. Still I got up to clean off. Shane helped me into the tub and as I sat there I started to feel worse and worse. Where was my post-delivery high? I felt like I was still in transition, when you feel that if you tore off all your skin and jumped out the 2nd story window, you'd actually feel better than you do right now. I told Shane I didn't feel well and maybe I wanted to get out, I wasn't sure. And  then, I passed out.

Shane said it was the most bizarre thing so see my body go absolutely limp. He quickly bent down and scooped me up, out of the tub and put me on the bed. He said the feeling of carrying such dead weight was eerie. Shortly after, the midwife cracked an ammonia capsule under my nose and I came to.

But I had not idea where I was or what was or had happened. I screamed. I saw the midwives and wondered who these strange ladies were and what they had done/were doing to me. I thought I was in some medical experiment and had no clue how I had gotten there. I heard one midwife say

"Quick, give her the baby!"

But still nothing registered. I felt cold all over and my teeth were chattering, despite the pile of blankets and the warm room. Finally, I looked up and saw Shane's face leaning over me. All at once, though still having no idea as to what was going on, I felt safe and that no matter what was/had happened everything was going to be ok. Shane was there. We lay there, the three of us, huddled on the bed as I slowly took in what was really going on, felt my body temp returning to normal, and realized the little baby on my chest was our new son.

And then I probably asked for and was given food.


So given the varied experiences, I am very curious to see how this next one goes. Will it follow suit with the boys' deliveries being fast and furious? I am hoping for not too much back labor this time, though I've heard the water can help with that so maybe Shane can keep some reserves and give me a back rub later, See why I wanted to wait until Shane was feeling better and all recovered? Knowing he is there to make me  feel safe and grounded is so comforting and I couldn't imagine going through it without him.

I was a little mean last week, when he was out for dinner and guy time with his brother-in-law. I specifically made sure he turned his phone on before they left. So when I texted him to bring some milk on his way home and did not hear from him I got a little annoyed. 30 min later I called and got no answer.  So I left a little message with the baby's weight etc and said I'd send a picture soon.

A little later  he called and said he saw that I had called, but he'd left his phone in the truck, and what was up? I started to tell him what the message said. He was silent.

"Are you serious?"

"No, but I could have been. And you wouldn't have known because you didn't take your phone."

He told me I had him for a second. Which I was glad of. Maybe it was mean, but I wanted to make sure he'd be available when it is real. Whenever that may be.